Snitches get stiches

Why being an unapologetic Tatler is a good thing

Photo by Tỷ Huỳnh from Pexels

One thing I learned as a child, as I’m sure most of us have, is NOT to be a tattletale. But why? What if this age old adage does more harm than good?

As a recovering addict and prior jail bird, snitches get stiches is a saying that’s all too real. I’ve seen real life jailhouse brawls breakout right in front of my eyes over information shared between jailmates…. that wasn’t supposed to be shared. I’ve also been told not to say anything about the fight I just witnessed to the cops, who storm in to lock everybody down, or else be branded a teller.

People tend to do as they’re told in this situation, seeing firsthand how girls handle the “tellers,” I know there is little to nothing the cops can do to protect me if I do open my mouth. Save for being put in protective custody…. in max, which in itself is the worst punishment imaginable.

Even as a kid, you know the ramifications of being a tattletale at school. Being ostracized and branded as a person who will tell on you, makes for very little friend choices; It also drives parents crazy, as it does me when my kids tattle all the time.

Telling on somebody actually takes a lot of courage when done for the right reasons, and can be the difference between life and death.

Here are 4 instances from my life where being a tattletale was the best thing possible:

1. Having a drug problem is just that, a problem. The first time I had the cops called on me was when I was 22. I had my sister in law babysitting my 1 year old while I was out picking up drugs. She had found some of my paraphernalia and immediately called the cops. At the time I was mortified and for obvious reasons, DCFS was called and I ended up losing my son for a number of months. I was made to jump through hoops on fire to regain custody of my son. What this experience taught me about myself is how strong and resilient I am. It tested the limits of my capabilities and forced me to stop making excuses. That the world didn’t care if I didn’t have a ride to a meeting or court date, I needed to plan ahead and be prepared for anything that could go wrong; Taking the bus, riding a bike, or walking if I had to was necessary in order to keep my son. It taught me what’s important about life and what’s worth fighting for. I was able to get my son back, and looking back am able to thank my sister in law.
2. After my DCFS case my sister “T,” gave stillbirth to my nephew, one day before his induction date. This trauma was too great to bare and I relapsed. I was on probation at the time and missed 2 meetings with my P.O. and just stopped checking in, I was in essence, a fugative of the state. I was in hiding for a number of months until one day at my boyfriend’s we get a call, the cops were on their way to his apartment for me. My mother told them where I was but called to give me a heads up. As I tried to wrap my head around the situation my fight or flight response kicked in and I tried to bail out the back. As I crossed the courtyard I could see a fleet of unmarked vehicles approaching from both sides. Exiting their vehicles with guns and full swat gear they surrounded me. I surrendered and went peacefully in front of the crowd that had gathered. I ended up doing 6 months in jail, the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I did hard time for the first month and a half, then came into my own the rest. Jail taught me so many things, too many to list here, but the most important thing was learning to come out of my shell and stand up for myself. I realized in no short order, what was truly important in my life. How I had been taking so much for granted, like the ability to take my son to the park. I felt it all and had nothing I could do but wait. I also learned a great deal of humility. Things I couldn’t have learned anywhere else. I can honestly say I am extremely grateful to my mother for finding the strength to turn me in.
3. During the first year of being out of jail I was doing extremely well. Sober and happy I was living on my own with my son, and I was taking care of business, so to speak. However, my sister “K" was in some serious trouble. She had developed a serious drug addiction to Meth and started to develop drug induced psychosis. She was hearing voices and was in a state of complete disassociation. She showed up at my door and had a mental breakdown. Knowing that telling on her was the only hope for her, I called a couple friends and took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia and was put on medication. This unfortunately didn’t fix her situation completely, but put her on the right path toward healing.
4. My sister “T" has had her fair share, if not substantially more, of misfortune and tragedy. After the birth of her daughter, a beautiful rainbow baby, she developed some post partum depression and anxiety. She lost her job after this and discovered her husband had made attempts to cheat on her. So she did what everyone in my family does when they’re upset, she started using drugs. It took a couple years of use for her to start showing signs of drug induced psychosis and schizophrenia, but it eventually took over her life. She is a completely different person now and still uses drugs. She doesn’t believe they are the issue, but what she does believe is astonishing. She is paranoid, and schizophrenia’s delusions have rewritten her entire life story. She accuses family members of horrendous things, now believing she was kept in a literal cage most of her life, she lashes out at family members verbally assaulting them. We called the police numerous times for help, but they were unable to provide remedy or any real solution. One morning she attacked my sister, breaking a picture over “K’s" head, and did so in front of her daughter. For the 12th time in the span of a couple months, we called the police. This time because we told them about the physical assualt they arrested her. We were able to file a protective order against her which she has violated continuously, resulting in more than 5 arrests so far. You’re probably wondering what good has come of this. Even though the coronavirus has stopped her from being able to stay in jail for very long, she is homeless and skipping from one drug source to another. I look at this as a quickening of burning her resources out until she has no place to go but rehab….. OR eventually a long stint in jail for violating the protective order so many times. Either way she will be getting clean and hopefully finding her way back to the sister I know.

In writing my experiences, as hard as they are to hear and write, I hope you may find the courage to do the same… for anyone you know in need. Do not hesitate to do what you feel is right. It wont be easy, but will be worth it in the end.